The president employed just about every slogan in the ad man's repertoire in a speech promoting the Obamacare exchanges Monday.
Here are the tried and true sales clichés you've heard a hundred times before, followed by the actual quotes from President Obama's health care sales pitch:
"Open for Business with Several Convenient Locations"
"About three weeks ago, as the federal government shut down, the Affordable Care Act's health insurance marketplaces opened for business across the country."
"The Response has Been Overwhelming from People Looking to Save"
"And the number of people who have visited the site has been overwhelming, which has aggravated some of these underlying problems."
"Despite all that, thousands of people are signing up and saving money as we speak."
"It's a Great Product at an Affordable Price"
"So let me just recap here. The product is good. The health insurance that's being provided is good. It's high quality and it's affordable. People can save money, significant money, by getting insurance that's being provided through these marketplaces.
"The point is, the essence of the law - the health insurance that's available to people - is working just fine. In some cases, actually, it's exceeding expectations - the prices are lower than we expected, the choice is greater than we expected."
"Buy Now, Pay Later (No Payment Due 'Till December 15)"
"I want everybody to remember that we're only three weeks into a six-month open enrollment period, when you can buy these new plans. Keep in mind the insurance doesn't start until January 1st; that's the earliest that the insurance can kick in. No one who decides to purchase a plan has to pay their first premium until December 15th."
"We've Got Plenty in Stock"
"And unlike the day after Thanksgiving sales for the latest Playstation or flat-screen TVs, the insurance plans don't run out. They're not going to sell out.
"Operators are Standing by to Help You Now"
"You'll find information about how to talk to a specialist who can help you apply over the phone or to receive a downloadable application you can fill out yourself and mail in.
"We've also added more staff to the call centers where you can apply for insurance over the phone. Those are already -- they've been working. But a lot of people have decided first to go to the website. But keep in mind, these call centers are already up and running. And you can get your questions answered by real people, 24 hours a day, in 150 different languages. The phone number for these call centers is 1-800-318-2596."
"That Number Again, So You Don't Forget..."
"I want to repeat that -- 1-800-318-2596. Wait times have averaged less than one minute so far on the call centers, although I admit that the wait times probably might go up a little bit now that I've read the number out loud on national television."
"But the point is the call centers are available. You can talk to somebody directly and they can walk you through the application process."
"Listen to How This Customer Saved $900 a Month"
"I got a letter last week from a self-employed man named John Mier in Leetsdale, Pennsylvania. He used the new marketplace to get himself and his wife covered and save a lot of money. And here's what he said, because it pretty much sums up my message today: 'Yes, the website really stank for the first week.' 'But instead of paying $1,600 per month for a group insurance plan, we have a plan that will only cost us $692 a month - a savings of $900 per month.'"
"Just 25 Minutes Can Save You Hundreds on Your Insurance"
"Once you get on the phone with a trained representative, it usually takes about 25 minutes for an individual to apply for coverage, about 45 minutes for a family. Once you apply for coverage, you will be contacted by email or postal mail about your coverage status."
"It's a One-Stop Shop Where You Can Find the Plan that's Right for You"
"Instead of contacting a bunch of different insurers one at a time, which is what Janice and a lot of people who are shopping on the individual market for health insurance had to do, there's one single place you can go shop and compare plans that have to compete for your business. There's one single phone number you can call for help."
Editor's Insight: Of course, the president's press secretary's name is "Carney" (Yes, this moniker for carnival folk can be spelled with or without the "e").