Feds Assume Cats Know How to Read

June 18, 2014 - 10:04 AM

The Department of the Interior may have miscalculated when constructing a sign that appears to warn feral cats not to congregate in New York’s Gateway National Recreation Area.

Big, bold letters at the top of the sign read “Feral Cat Colonies Are Prohibited on Property.”  Since the term “feral” implies that these cats are not domesticated and have no contact with humans, the warning appears to be aimed directly at the cats. 

Science’s attempts to teach cat’s how to read have been unsuccessful thus far and despite various pictures online that appear to show felines enjoying books—often very large volumes—experts are fairly confident that the feline literacy rate remains extremely low. 

When the sign’s fine print is examined the message that park authorities were probably trying to convey becomes a bit clearer. 

The third paragraph of the sign reads: “We encourage those who have created this colony to remove it and the cats, prior to that date.”

Apparently, hordes of feral cats have made their home in the parks and are making meals of the park’s indigenous wildlife.    Various species of birds, reptiles and other assorted small mammals are being massacred by the cats who have become the park’s apex predators.

Authorities plan to remove the animals on June 20th and send them to nearby shelters. 

It turns out that some well-meaning cat enthusiasts have set up cat houses and have been feeding the cats for more than 10-years.

Of course, due to the signs confusing sentence structure and poor word choices, it does in fact appear as though the government is sending a direct order to the cats informing them that they need to stop congregating in the park, pack up their “colonies” and vacate immediately.