Impeachment As a Joke: 'The Sacred Runes Are Drawn From Beneath Jerrold Nadler's Jowls'

By Susan Jones | January 16, 2020 | 6:24am EST
Anti-Trumper Stephen Colbert hosts "The Late Show" (Photo: Screen capture)
Anti-Trumper Stephen Colbert hosts "The Late Show" (Photo: Screen capture)

(CNSNews.com) - In speech after speech, House Democrats have attempted to make their partisan impeachment solemn, serious and historic and oh-so-dutiful. "

"What is at stake here is the Constitution of the United States," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said on Wednesday. "So this is a very serious matter and we take it to heart in a really solemn way. In a very solemn way, it is about the Constitution. It is about the Republic, if we can keep it..."

But the late-night comedians have a different view, which was on full display Wednesday night, when (anti-Trumper) Stephen Colbert mocked the pomp and circumstance of the House impeachment managers transmitting the articles of impeachment to the Senate:

"This evening, Nancy Pelosi officially signed the articles of impeachment," Colbert said.

And she celebrated by signing with pen after pen after pen -- that one ran out of ink, evidently. Let's see this one, like -- Nope, that one's running dry too. OK, good thing she planned ahead. So important.

Now once the articles were signed, the House's impeachment managers had to perform their first official duty, a ceremonial handoff between chambers, as House impeachment managers physically carry the articles across the Rotunda in a high-profile procession.

Yes. They must initiate -- the transfer of the articles.

First, each member of Congress steps forward to seal the text with a single drop of blood. Then, the sacred runes are drawn from beneath Jerrold Nadler's jowls, and lo, a snow-white ram is brought forth to pluck the maidenhead of Adam Schiff.

Then, they wait for a while for the elevator. A lot of foot traffic that time of day. Finally, unto the Senate chamber the sacred articles are delivered. But only once the chosen seven do combat with Mitch McConnell's pre-Euclidian demonic avatar: Mc-Coth-olo! All praise Mc-Coth-olo! (McConnell)

(Colbert speaks in tongues.)

"Oh, hello," Colbert said as the studio lights came on, awakening him from his "trance."

(He went on to mock Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and of course, President Donald Trump.)

On "Jimmy Kimmel Live," the host had this take:

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi signed the paperwork this afternoon. And this I thought was interesting. She did it, she signed her name one letter at a time, using a different pen each time.

She used 22 pens to sign her name on two documents. What is going on? Did she get an endorsement deal with Bic? Because it's hard to argue you're not enjoying the impeachment when you turn it into a calligraphy class all of a sudden.

 




 

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